It was a hit and run.
I live on a narrow street with lots of traffic.
It cost $250 to replace the mirror, taking five months to save up for it.
Since then I took a cue from the other cars on my street and began parking a little bit on the curb.
This morning the van received a ticket from Officer M. Stiff:
PARK OR STAND ON PARKWAY
Due Now $60.00
Chicago's mayor is Mayor Daley.
He has been mayor for a long time.
Some people call him "Mayor For Life."
Other people call him a "corrupt, worthless, outdated ham sandwich."
Some people have referred to him as a "fat mountain of blood-soaked shit."
Other people have compared him to a "cabbie's cup full of Maple Syrup Urine Disease poured onto a partially aborted fetus abandoned in a Carson's Steakhouse grease trap."
But lots of people like him because they know someone that likes him.
Or they know someone who likes someone who knows someone, multiply by twelve.
And they don't know what else to do.
So they get a city job through their connection.
And they never do more than they have to.
And they never sweat.
And they turn into a fat ham sandwich with an irritating accent.
A grating, nasal accent that knows the answers to everything it needs to know.
And nothing more.
Recently Mayor Daley quickly and quietly sold the city's parking meters to a private company for 75 years.
He took a major source of revenue for the city and gave it away for a pittance.
Like a shit-encrusted asshole.
Some might say.
So to compensate for this loss in revenue, the city has assigned a large amount of its workers, or "simple, mouth-breathing organisms," to spend the day handing out pricey parking tickets for inconsequential infractions, sometimes referred to as "fucking bullshit."
The ticket I received today made for a miserable morning.
Now, I will not stoop so low as to call our flawed mayor a "brown paper sack oozing with the fresh santorum of an N-Word-using child molester."
Nor will I go so far as to refer to our possibly dishonest, probably corrupt leader as a "a collection of Nazi memorabilia drizzled with the death shits of 9/11 victims, used as porn, with the tears of tortured, endangered species employed as a lubricant to masturbate onto the iconic picture of Phan Thi Kim Phuc."
No.
I will simply refer to him by his first name:
Fucking.
Here's to you, Mayor Fucking Daley!
Verdict: Loss
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