A dark pungent odor permeated.
It smelled like old flies.
Sven walked in.
He grimaced and gagged and handed me $150.
"Get some candles."
A supermarket serving the upper Midwest and Mid-Atlantic was having a commercial.
It would shoot tomorrow.
They had shipped over a dozen of their own turkeys.
The turkeys had all gone bad.
So the mystery stench was rotten meat.
I bought $100 worth of organic, gluten-free, cage-free, free-range, locally grown, homeopathic, organtic, environmentally ouchless EcoCandles from Whole Foods.
Those three candles did the trick.
The rotten meat now smelled healthy, the way rotten meat used to smell.
The candles also:
• rescued six kakapos from the endangered species list
• saved a rain forest in Papua New Guinea
• cleaned four pelicans from the BP oil spill
This gave us all peace of mind as we watched Cabrini Green's final demolition from the safety of our condo balcony.
The rest of the day was spent helping the food stylists prepare twelve new turkeys for tomorrow's shoot.
These turkeys were purchased at a local supermarket in town.
But do not tell the clients about this.
In fact, get rid of all materials that bear the logo of the local supermarket.
Each turkey was placed into a plastic tub filled with water.
Then I dumped the tub's salmonella water in the parking lot.
It was a really nice day.
Sunny and mild.
It was so nice, we decided to eat lunch outside.
Right by the puddles of salmonella.
Nobody noticed it smelling like salmonella.
It was like the day was organic.
And we were cage free.
Like a condo.
Verdict: Win
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