We went to Twin Anchors in Old Town.
Sinatra used to swing there, Charley.
It was the end, a real gasser.
Platinum pussycats and ripe tomatoes.
Though the twirls said it wasn't their bag.
Dig that sign: NO DANCING.
"We're Scramsville. I think it's going to rain in this clam-bake."
Those dames were nowhere, Sam.
A couple of hacked off mish-mashes.
I didn't like their clyde.
Send a hunker for some gasoline.
Lauren showed my mom the ring.
For a brief moment I was an adult in her eyes.
Over barbeque, we told her the engagement story.
Mom wanted to talk about the wedding.
And our plans.
All we knew was this:
October 2011
Door County
Stave church
Mom explained to us that we were going to need things like a marriage license, and witnesses, and files and documents and-
I told her that we knew this already.
Mom wanted me to be stressed out about it.
So for her sake, I decided that now would be the best time to start getting stressed out about what is traditionally supposed to be the happiest day of my life.
We went to see Lauren perform on the Second City Mainstage in Spoiler Alert: Everybody Dies.
She was going in for our friend Allison Bills.
Lauren's a pro.
She always is.
She killed it.
During intermission, I showed my mom a photo of the stave church in Door County.
Then my friend Joe approached me about a video project he was working on.
A lampoon of the improv scene in Chicago.
He asked if I would like to play the leader of a Wiccan improv troupe.
I laughed and said it sounded fun.
My mom took mental notes.
The improv set was ba-luuue.
Feces and fucking were discussed.
Bestiality was touched upon.
Plus a tour de force about a man with a penis on his chin.
The penis-chin was masturbated frequently by the cast, and sung about.
Lauren did her best to lay low during this.
Oddly, I didn't hear my mom laugh too much during the set.
Huh.
Afterward, Julie the musical director apologized to my mom for the blueness of the set.
My mom thanked her for apologizing.
Mom still loves us.
She may not get who we are.
Getting married in a big black evil knife.
She might think we're still children.
Laughing at penis-chins.
But the laws in her head say she is required to love us.
And she obeys the law.
Verdict: Win
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