It was from Illinois the state.
They said I was ineligible for unemployment.
I disagreed.
So after a few hundred hours on the internet, I finally found an actual street address for the office of unemployment.
I went down there.
And I stood in line.
And waited.
There are two types of people in an unemployment line.
Quiet ones and loud ones.
The loud ones yell a lot using their buttholes.
I mean mouths.
The quiet ones have nothing else to do but listen.
While waiting in line, one guy got into an argument with a security guard about a door.
He yelled with his butthole that the door should be a PULL door.
The security guard yelled that it was a PUSH door.
They both had loud buttholes.
Mouths, mouths.
Anyway, the quiet ones listened.
And looked.
There was nothing else to do.
A tired looking man stood at the end of the line.
You tell him your story, he gives you a number.
Everyone within earshot listens to your story.
There is nothing else to do.
I told him my story.
He gave me a number.
158.
He told me to have a seat.
The seating area was like a laundromat of broken dreams.
People waiting complacently for their failure to finish drying.
The number counter said 69.
I would be here for a while.
It was surprising to see how many people didn't bring anything to read.
Like me.
So I stared at nothing like you do on public transportation.
Meanwhile a loud guy started talking at a quiet woman.
He was bronze and windburnt like Gordon Ramsey on a gummy penny.
She was an Asian woman with nothing else to do.
He talked at her about her Asianness.
He tried to guess which type of Asian she was.
Chinese.
No.
Japanese.
No.
Korean she said.
He started talking about Korean food.
Then Chinese food.
And the differences.
He recited the Chinese words he knew.
She said Korean was different.
He asked her to speak Korean.
She obliged.
He listened and made comparisons with his butthole.
I mean mouth.
Then he started talking about acting.
He had worked on an independent film and-
Oh no.
Now it was like being at an audition.
Which was even worse than unemployment.
The number counter said 71.
I left.
And would remain unemployed without insurance for another day.
Verdict: Loss
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