October 2 - Social Networking Saved My Engagement!

The jeweler needed to know Lauren's ring size.

I didn't know it.

The jeweler suggested I bring in some of her rings.

"Do you know on which fingers she wears these rings?"

Ooh.

No.

Oh.

Umm.

Facebook might.

Fucking Facebook.

That thing.

That vain void.

That waste of time.

That stupid stupid thing.

But hold on.

I've booked shows using Facebook.

I've promoted myself using Facebook.

I've learned things while using Facebook.

And I've shared completely useless information.

On Facebook.

September 24:

...saw a taping of The Price Is Right in 1994. The sliding doors that reveal the big prizes were really loud. I wore a Blues Explosion T-shirt. My then-girlfriend would soon shave her head, disappear to New Mexico for a shaman, and release me from our relationship in a letter. The woman in line behind us won a brand new car.

September 28:

Dumb Ads vs. Small Town News

And from today:

...found a staple in his mouth from snacking.

Ugh.

Why do I do this?

But as easy as it is to hate Facebook, it does serve a purpose.

Today I looked at over 200 of Lauren's Facebook photos.

About nine of them featured her fingers with rings.

I was able to identify the rings I would be taking in to the jeweler.

Facebook sized my girlfriend's engagement ring.

Facebook saved my life.

Facebook is God.

I wonder what God's status updates are like.

Why won't he friend me?

I returned to my favorite alibi, Gene's Sausage.

I brought home an assortment of bratwursts and a bottle of curry ketchup.

I almost got some HP Sauce.

But I'll save that for the next time I visit the jeweler.

Unless there's a way for Facebook to do that for me, too.

Verdict: Win