Backstage before Rush, someone put down The Four Seasons and Heart.
I happen to enjoy those acts for what they're worth.
People began announcing bands they liked.
Toto was listed.
Then someone decided without irony that Huey Lewis and The News was the greatest band of the 1980's.
Finally, someone favorably mentioned Don Henley.
I hate Don Henley with a passion similar to Mel Gibson's passionately hateful love/lust for Christ.
Once upon a time in the mid-90's, I used to have to play Don Henley's wretched music on 93.7 KCLB-FM Coachella The Valley's Rock.
I grew to despise his privileged, balls-less, self-congratulatory Baby Boomer drivel.
My least favorite song ever created on the planet is "Sunset Grill."
Followed by the even worse but faster "The Boys of Summer."
The song "Dirty Laundry" makes me want to perform botched abortions on everyone.
It was all I could take.
I went off screaming, comparing rich white men with Deadhead stickers on their convertibles to the most worthless, bloody anal leakage ever posthumously defecated out of God's raped asshole.
The stage manager tried to lighten things up, announcing, "It's The Judgmental Tony Mendoza."
I fired back.
"I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE JUDGMENTAL! I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!"
When did I become The New Charles Manson?
The show went well.
At home I somnambulently dipped chicken into melted butter and garlic, then coated them in bread crumbs and roasted them to bland perfection. I also cooked black beans and burnt rice.
Then I beat off a bunch more, to the point where I'm sore.
I miss Lauren.
Verdict: Loss
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