I haven't had the opportunity to get groceries lately, and needed something to accompany a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. So when a free moment between runs at work popped up, I took advantage of it.
At Jewel I purchased a bag of carrots, and headed to the checkout. On the way there, I noticed a flavor of Doritos I hadn't seen before.
Last year, Doritos unveiled a new line of drunk douchebag flavors, for when drunk douchebags want to eat unhealthy meals in the form of finger-staining chips. Last summer I tried the flavors Tacos at Midnight and Last Call Jalepeno Poppers.
But today I saw All Nighter Cheeseburger.
So for the sake of comedy I bought it.
I thought I could blog about other new late night Doritos flavors.
Doritos Late Night Ass Kicked Bloody Nose Buffalo Wings
Doritos Late Night Unprotected Sex Calamari Stingers
Doritos Late Night Racial Slur Yelled At Cab Driver Super Beef Nachos
Doritos Late Night Domestic Abuse Ranch Sauce Cool Kickers
Doritos Late Night 4 Dead In DUI Mozzarella Sizzlers
When I got in the car I opened the bag and sampled the cheeseburger flavored Doritos.
They tasted like pickles. I hate pickles.
I even briefly blogged about it.
Yeah, but for some reason I kept eating those fucking things.
I ate 3/4 of the bag in about 20 minutes.
It was 10:30am.
The rest of the day I felt awful.
It took all day to come down from the stomach coma.
I tried to eat the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the early afternoon.
But it was too late.
I was a drunk Dorito douchebag.
I never even ate the fucking carrots.
After work I rode my bike to Second City.
The ride was hard.
I am greatly out of shape.
I got home and still felt awful.
I think I'm getting way too old to eat ironically.