Goin' Up The Country
Our second and final daytime on Grundler Bend.
Today we filmed in the tiny farm town of Bundy.
Population: 765.
Ah, the country.
Where everything moves at a calmer, more convivial pace.
While driving the RV along a two lane country road, I rolled down my windows and breathed in the fresh, country air. After thirteen years in the city, I could get used to the country.
Maybe buy a country house.
Shop at the country store.
Make friends with the country people.
Like the country gentleman approaching in an SUV.
As he passed on the left, he leaned out the passenger window and flipped me off the entire time.
Ah, the country.
A guido rocker dude and his mammarily augmented wife somehow owned a farm house. They let us use their barn in exchange for a thank you in the credits. In the barn, some construction workers had built a 20-yard tunnel, and were also paid nothing.
The illegal immigrants in the next field over pointed and laughed.
They were getting 5¢ a day.
Noise Will Be Noise
It was idyllic.
The RV's overlooked an endless field of corn.
Real life chickens clucked in a dungeonous coop.
A basset hound entertained the crew, standing upright on its hind legs.
Holli was captivated by a goat.
Unfortunately, idyllic isn't a word associated with too many ghost thrillers.
The chickens kept ruining takes.
You can't have two cops searching an underground tunnel with chickens bawking all over it.
"Stay away from the chickens when we're rolling, please," was the best Holli could do.
Even the RV's were too loud.
We had to shut off their power during shooting.
Between takes the older actor snuck off set for a 10-1 (short for 10-100).
Shortly thereafter Holli had me find him.
I knocked on his trailer.
He seemed frazzled.
"How do you turn the power on?" he said.
We found the button.
"I don't want to leave a shit in there."
He went to set.
I flushed his poop.
While Holli reviewed paperwork in the RV, Dan took on the role of assistant director on set.
They began rolling.
"Hey can we cut the power on the RV's, please?" he crackled over the radio.
"10-4," I said and ran over to the actor's trailer.
The actor's trailer was already off.
I hoped there wasn't any more feces to flush.
"Can we PLEASE turn off the RV's!?" Dan insisted.
I started back to the RV I had just left.
"I'm working on it."
"It's not that hard. You just press the OFF button."
As I hugged the corner of the idling RV, Alex flew in out of nowhere and jumped into it.
He shut off the power quickly and raced back to set.
"Thank you, Alex," said Dan.
The executive producer walked up to me.
"Do you know how to turn these things off?"
"Yes," I said uselessly.
I walked into the dead RV and threw a notepad as hard as I could against its fucking dashboard.
"FUCK!"
The notepad flopped to the floor like I had wanted to.
Exciting Things!
Jerry introduced Dan and I to the rest of the teenage cast.
They would start working tomorrow.
Riley had just graced the cover of Maxim magazine, which I learned is still a magazine.
Logan grew up around here and had a Belushi vibe.
Haddock seemed mellow, distant and blond.
The six of us made brief pleasantries in the crammed moho.
Then I reviewed my errand list to Jerry.
"So batteries, dust masks, scripts, and chocolate covered strawberries."
Jerry smirked and nodded as I headed out.
Through the screen door I heard them talking about me.
"Yeah, he's really enthusiastic," they sarcastically laughed.
?.?.
Really?
For real?
What do these people want from me?
"I CANT WAIT! I CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT! I'M GONNA BUY A PACK OF AA BATTERIES!! THANK YOU GOD SO MUCH!!! I'M GONNA DOOOO IT!!"
Chocolate Covered Blunderberries
I bought the batteries and the dust masks.
It was okay.
I don't know why Jerry thought it would be so exciting.
But things were about to get really thrilling.
At the office, I was supposed to make 5 copies of the script.
I accidentally made 15.
That's 1,000 pages of extra billing for Jerry.
Then at the chocolatier, I ran into a problem.
The actor I had once poked in the face with an umbrella asked Alex to get him three boxes of chocolate covered strawberries.
Dan had transferred the task to me.
Unfortunately, the chocolatier was all out of strawberries.
I called Dan.
"Just get chocolate covered cherries."
I arrived on set with the gift boxes.
"Are those the chocolate covered strawberries?"
Apparently Dan hadn't broken the horrible news to anyone.
"I got chocolate covered cherries."
Alex short circuited and shook.
The actor was disappointed.
"No, it's okay."
He handed out the confections to the crew, making very sure not to have one.
Maybe he was allergic to not getting his way.
Too bad.
They were tasty.
I dumped the 15 scripts onto the RV with a thud.
Everyone laughed at me.
"Did you make enough copies?"
Jerry put his head in his hands.
I shrugged and finished my chocolate covered cherry.
I don't know if Jerry ever got a chance to have one.
But he paid for those, too.
Rollins Could Do Your Job In His Sleep
By the time I got back to the hotel, Lauren had taken the train back home.
She had to teach tonight.
Mike had been busy making an inspirational Henry Rollins poster.
It gave me the inspiration to get completely drunk.
A blurry night of nonsense was hosted by Dan and Alex in their room.
A case of beer joined Elaine the editor and a young photographer girl from Ft. Floyd.
We talked about music more than movies.
Around 3:30am we got loaded enough to hop the fence and invade the hot tub.
An annoyed security guard apathetically kicked us out.
I stumbled back to the room and passed out in a cold sweat.
Just like Hank.
Verdict: Win
No comments:
Post a Comment