I don't know what happened.
Lauren made a most delicious dinner.
Baked salmon with lemon risotto.
It was cooked perfectly.
Then we watched Elf.
It's a Christmas movie about Will Ferrell.
I got dark.
I got hateful.
I sat there grinding my teeth.
I thought about Christmas.
And its expectations.
And its forced, artificial merriment.
And how I didn't have the money to participate properly.
And how I didn't know what to fucking get anybody.
And how I didn't want to receive any fucking presents from anybody.
Because it's always a fucking shirt that I never fucking wear.
Because nobody knows me.
Because I won't let them know me.
Because I'm afraid they won't like me.
The actual me.
The me that uses the word fuck.
The me that has an obtusely dark sense of humor.
The me that doesn't believe in God.
The me that doesn't belong to this society.
I can't say I'm the biggest Will Ferrell fan.
But he couldn't have taken me here.
I had gotten here on my own.
In my 2010 Selfishmobile®.
The movie ended.
Lauren asked me what I wanted to do.
"I don't know."
I laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
Lauren had no use for me.
She's not good with kids.
So she closed the door.
And I laid there in darkness.
Wide awake staring at a black ceiling.
Until I hated myself to sleep.
Verdict: Loss
December 18 - Last Nurse Novels Activity of 2010
The Nurse Novels had a show tonight.
I wrote a smart ass press release and sent it to The Reader, The Onion, Time Out, Tribune, Sun Times, and New City.
Here it is:
(my phone number)
•••
My old tricks don't work anymore.
No blurbs on us anywhere.
It seems the press wants to cover bands that care.
I do care though.
That's why I write these anti-press releases.
I figure they get inundated with bands and paragraphs and adjectives.
If I can make them smile, right?
That's my goal.
But like I said, my old tricks don't work anymore.
It's funny though.
The music I'm making now is the best music I've made.
But I've lost the energy to promote it.
So it will go largely unheard.
That is funny.
Right?
Enough people turned up for the show to happen.
We played well.
People were mostly listening during our set.
I think I got some aggression/depression out on my kit.
I liked whipping around it on "Here Come The Warm Jets".
We're a good band.
We do care.
I'm glad a few people got to hear us while we're still around.
Verdict: Win
I wrote a smart ass press release and sent it to The Reader, The Onion, Time Out, Tribune, Sun Times, and New City.
Here it is:
THE NURSE NOVELS TO PLAY CAL’S AGAIN
Dear iTunes,
Why can’t I get my band onto iTunes?
I have a band.
We’re The Nurse Novels.
We’re really good.
But everytime I drag our record from my Desktop to the iTunes store, it justs zips back to the Desktop.
I even created a folder called “Nurse Novels”.
But the iTunes store won’t take that either.
I figure if The Beatles just figured out how to do it, then so should we.
I tried to find your number online but I couldn’t find it.
That’s why I’m writing this letter.
Please call me.
Thank you,
Tony Mendoza
The Nurse Novels
P.S. iTunes rocks!
The Nurse Novels with The Heavy Bombers
Saturday, December 18, 10pm
Cal’s
400 S Wells
Chicago
5 dollars
•••
My old tricks don't work anymore.
No blurbs on us anywhere.
It seems the press wants to cover bands that care.
I do care though.
That's why I write these anti-press releases.
I figure they get inundated with bands and paragraphs and adjectives.
If I can make them smile, right?
That's my goal.
But like I said, my old tricks don't work anymore.
It's funny though.
The music I'm making now is the best music I've made.
But I've lost the energy to promote it.
So it will go largely unheard.
That is funny.
Right?
Enough people turned up for the show to happen.
We played well.
People were mostly listening during our set.
I think I got some aggression/depression out on my kit.
I liked whipping around it on "Here Come The Warm Jets".
We're a good band.
We do care.
I'm glad a few people got to hear us while we're still around.
Verdict: Win
December 17 - Bordersing On Depression
I tried to go Christmas shopping.
I didn't have the money to do it properly.
November was slow and I won't see any Veruca money until next year.
I wandered around Borders.
The doomed one in Uptown.
Most of the books on display were penned by angry white comedians or comediennes who slept around.
A table crammed with big cocks and loud twats.
Like in a gag shoppe.
A few of these books started as blogs.
I skimmed some of Shit My Dad Says.
Good formula.
Would make a better calendar.
I imagine they did that already.
A sticker on the cover promoted its new sitcom.
$h*! My Dad Says.
I had seen a commercial for that show.
It looked worthless.
Ⅎ♥¢₭ing worthless.
But it is success.
Good for him.
He came up with a good idea and made it work for him.
And it was turned into televised horseshit.
But at least that guy did something with it.
I walked out of Borders empty handed.
Verdict: Loss
I didn't have the money to do it properly.
November was slow and I won't see any Veruca money until next year.
I wandered around Borders.
The doomed one in Uptown.
Most of the books on display were penned by angry white comedians or comediennes who slept around.
A table crammed with big cocks and loud twats.
Like in a gag shoppe.
A few of these books started as blogs.
I skimmed some of Shit My Dad Says.
Good formula.
Would make a better calendar.
I imagine they did that already.
A sticker on the cover promoted its new sitcom.
$h*! My Dad Says.
I had seen a commercial for that show.
It looked worthless.
Ⅎ♥¢₭ing worthless.
But it is success.
Good for him.
He came up with a good idea and made it work for him.
And it was turned into televised horseshit.
But at least that guy did something with it.
I walked out of Borders empty handed.
Verdict: Loss
December 16 - Sleep Beats Life
I slept til 11.
I went back to bed at 1.
I woke up at 5.
The mail arrived.
I got a letter from the unemployment office.
Back on December 1, they called for a hearing over the phone.
My old boss Wroth was on the line.
Along with some attorneys.
They wanted to know why I was claiming unemployment if I quit my job as a messenger.
Wroth had the floor first.
He went on to say that I had quit, and had only given him one week notice.
The truth is I gave him two weeks notice.
He asked me for three, and I told him I couldn't do that.
Wroth spoke his mind some more.
Then it was my turn.
I told them that I indeed did quit the messengering job.
I didn't mention the two weeks vs. one week notice thing.
That moment had already passed.
I told them I was claiming unemployment for my work after that.
They asked if I had anything else to say.
"Just, hey Wroth."
"'Ey, Tony."
The letter said I was officially unqualified for unemployment benefits.
It went on to say that I had quit my messenger job with just one week notice.
Fine.
I got another letter.
The city said I parked in a residential permit zone on October 27.
But I didn't.
I don't have proof.
But I didn't park there.
It's too late.
The city has made a final determination.
They want me to pay $120.
For now I am refusing to pay it.
I don't know what I can do.
Being awake hadn't gone my way today.
I went back to bed at 8:30.
Verdict: Loss
I went back to bed at 1.
I woke up at 5.
The mail arrived.
I got a letter from the unemployment office.
Back on December 1, they called for a hearing over the phone.
My old boss Wroth was on the line.
Along with some attorneys.
They wanted to know why I was claiming unemployment if I quit my job as a messenger.
Wroth had the floor first.
He went on to say that I had quit, and had only given him one week notice.
The truth is I gave him two weeks notice.
He asked me for three, and I told him I couldn't do that.
Wroth spoke his mind some more.
Then it was my turn.
I told them that I indeed did quit the messengering job.
I didn't mention the two weeks vs. one week notice thing.
That moment had already passed.
I told them I was claiming unemployment for my work after that.
They asked if I had anything else to say.
"Just, hey Wroth."
"'Ey, Tony."
The letter said I was officially unqualified for unemployment benefits.
It went on to say that I had quit my messenger job with just one week notice.
Fine.
I got another letter.
The city said I parked in a residential permit zone on October 27.
But I didn't.
I don't have proof.
But I didn't park there.
It's too late.
The city has made a final determination.
They want me to pay $120.
For now I am refusing to pay it.
I don't know what I can do.
Being awake hadn't gone my way today.
I went back to bed at 8:30.
Verdict: Loss
December 15 - Tony Go Home
Today was a wrap day for the cellphone shoot.
Ned and I painted the stage from green to white.
I returned a shopping cart full of clothes to Target.
The holidays reared its ugly, infected scrotus.
Everything was impatient and shitty.
Nurse Novels had band practice.
It was joyless.
I worked the bar.
It was dead.
I kept falling asleep at the door.
While the regulars hung out after hours I slept in a booth.
"Tony, go home!" Kim called.
Verdict: Loss
Ned and I painted the stage from green to white.
I returned a shopping cart full of clothes to Target.
The holidays reared its ugly, infected scrotus.
Everything was impatient and shitty.
Nurse Novels had band practice.
It was joyless.
I worked the bar.
It was dead.
I kept falling asleep at the door.
While the regulars hung out after hours I slept in a booth.
"Tony, go home!" Kim called.
Verdict: Loss
December 14 - Groovin' With Mr. Blow
It was an easy shoot.
People wearing ear buds and grooving to bad music on a green screen.
The director was a friend of mine from the incestuous world of improv.
Lex.
He was nice to me.
"Maybe we'll get you in there, too," he felt obligated to say.
Though we both knew that there was no way I was going to be on camera for any of this.
Julio and I moved some couches for the clients.
"You still gonna work in radio?" Julio asked.
Radio?
Oh yeah.
Last time I saw Julio, I had just started PAing and was looking toward public radio.
Before I got discouraged.
Yeah.
Sometimes I think I'm going to do something.
The line producer came up to me.
"Hey, Tony. It's Paul. I was a student in your class."
I didn't remember him at first.
Of course.
But then I did.
I felt embarrassed.
I set up lunch tables.
I took out the trash.
I got coffee.
Lex put the VTR girl in front of the camera.
She grooved to the bad music.
I guess it could be worse.
Verdict: Loss
December 13 - I've Come A Long Way, Baby
I worked today.
Prep day for a commercial shoot about cellphones.
I took a look at the call sheet.
I know the director.
He's a fellow improviser.
Cool.
He'll get to see how far I've come.
Getting coffee.
Taking out trash.
Setting up lunch tables.
Awesome.
Verdict: Loss
Prep day for a commercial shoot about cellphones.
I took a look at the call sheet.
I know the director.
He's a fellow improviser.
Cool.
He'll get to see how far I've come.
Getting coffee.
Taking out trash.
Setting up lunch tables.
Awesome.
Verdict: Loss
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